These Advice shared by My Father That Helped Us as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You require some help. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to talk among men, who continue to hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - taking a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."