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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous obstacles, her resilience is commendable. But, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her spouse walked away, and it was a massive blow. Several of her social circle vanished at that point, as they were drawn to her husband. It shocked her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, likely realised more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my position in the relationship is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. My effort is to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She has been organizing a holiday to a country I have traveled to repeatedly even called home for some time. My intention was to provide personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired my agreement with her decisions. I have returned from four weeks in that country she hopes to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she can comprehend the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation aiming for working things out demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing how this makes you feel. There should be no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are valid, of course. Step three is to question how the two of you going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore your concerns, since certain individuals have a self-protecting mindset: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to release because their very survival depends upon it and it represents they trust. This is difficult as there is no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out defensively and then think on your words. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you peace from having been truthful.